AITA for telling my soon-to-be ex-husband that he can’t spend OUR money on his gf?

So, about a month and a half ago my(32f) husband(37m) texted me and told me he “didn’t know about us,” then called later that night to say he wanted a divorce. That he wasn’t happy. The very next day, he went to HER(23f) house. And he’s been there pretty much ever since. We have 3 kids. 12m, 6f, 1m. I’ve been a sahm mom the last year and a half to be with our youngest and bc covid. So this has left me scrambling, trying to wean our son, find childcare, and get a job. By myself. My ex is staying over an hour away with her. We have pretty much no savings, and he’s still paying the bills here until I can find a job and childcare. Now, I’ve had calls back about jobs, but every daycare I have contacted is full. All of them. Not one accepting 1yr olds. My ex is spending hundreds of dollars on this girl. He takes her out to eat, buys her things, they go to bars. Also, let me say, a month before he told me he was leaving us, we were looking at houses, planning a move. The kids and I were blindsided. We didn’t fight a lot. He works 3rd shift, so the most we argued about was that he didn’t spend enough time with the kids. But we didn’t have a bad marriage. I cooked, cleaned, took care of all childcare and household duties. I paid bills. He worked and slept. Anyway, I’ve been telling him not to spend our money on her. I need to be able to afford to get my son into daycare if I’m going to get a job. But now all he says is that it’s HIS money and I can get a job. Which I’m trying. And he’s no help. I can’t do anything without someone to watch my 1yr old. But I’ve told him that its OUR money until those papers are signed or until I can get a job. He’s calling me a petty, jealous, asshole, but I think he’s the one being unreasonable. He practically abandoned our children. Only sees them bc I lost it bc our children are having breakdowns and don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be with us. And was irritated I put them in therapy. Anyway, AITA for telling my ex that he can’t spend our money on his new gf until we’re divorced or I have a job? Or am I just an entitled ass?

Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. I’m doing some more shopping for lawyers and I’m going to look into other resources. I’m not going to listen to my ex anymore. I’m going to apply for low rent housing and food stamps until I can get on my feet (he told me not to). It’s so nice to hear that I’m NTA. I feel like I’m in the right, but others have been telling me otherwise. So THANK YOU, again.

Edit for anyone that still cares: I contacted a lawyer and found that I should still be okay even without a job for awhile with what he will have to pay in child support and spousal support. Whenever that gets established. Lawyer said paperwork will be ready early this next week.

We got our stimulus. He took less than half, but was supposed to use the money to find a place and get things for the kids for his place and went and blew $1000 in 24 hours on/with her. Not a cent on our children. I used $1000 of my stimulus money to pay for the divorce that HE asked for. I can’t stand how selfish he is. I’m just disgusted. I knew I had to file so I could make sure I could take care of my kids. He doesn’t seem to care about them at all.

Source: Reddit

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Harsh Truths

Honestly, there’s not much OP can do in this situation. While many suggest hiring a lawyer and filing for divorce to stop OP’s husband from wasting seemingly “marital money.”  If he’s spending money on things like dinners, drinks, or shopping trips with his girlfriend—unless they are excessively extravagant—it will likely be viewed as normal expenses. It’s best to let it go and focus on negotiating the divorce settlement, such as dividing assets, alimony, and child support. Also, he’s dating post-separation, which is common for many men in the beginning of the divorce. Let him be. Moving on and finalizing the divorce quickly will help you heal faster.